Updated: Jul 22, 2020
I have been keeping myself really busy this last week. I can't figure out if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I am definately not as relaxed as I was and I don't feel like I am living in the moment at all. I am always in a rush to do things and don't stop to just stop. Yes, I get things done, and yes it generally works out in the end but I am so tired. My joints are absolutely killing me and I ache all over. I really need to learn to slow down. I am tense all the time and have to consciously think to relax my shoulders and my neck.
I now have a proper pond. Gary across the rode built it for me and I love it. We are quite good friends now me and Gary. Quite funny as we had a falling out a few years ago over the bloody cats of all things, Eric and Eddie. I remember it like yesterday, it wasn't long after I had had Ailysha I think and so my hormones must have played a part in it. However I remember him coming out of his house and shouting across to me to keep my cats in as he was going to put poison down as he was sick to the back teeth of cats coming in and using his garden as a toilet. Now, I don't think for one moment he would have done that however I took it wrong and assumed it was a way of warning me that he wasn't happy. I was the only one in the vicinity that had cats at the time. Anyway, to cut a long story short I remember spouting off on facebook about it. Now, If I remember rightly Sam Murray got wind of it and she is kind of the resident cat do gooder of Usk, and she was not impressed at all. Anyway needless to say, Gary and I didn't really speak to eachother for almost a year. Quite mad really as I am not a cat person at all.
Anyway, bless him he came over and built me a frame for my pond after I decided not to turn the trampoline into a pond due to cost and the fact that the kids were absolutely devastated. The tadpoles are now still in their bath but at the bottom of the garden! We are thinking of turning that into a wildlife sactuary kind of thing. as at the moment it only has Ailysha's mud kitchen there and a stand for seeds. I quite fancy getting a hedgehog house and a couple of trees, a bird house and the tadpoles.
Anyway, things with my mum are on the up. I can't remember if I said last time I was on here but we were on the phone last Sunday for a couple of hours. We had such a lovely chat and she was so nice to talk to, it made me sad. I don't think I will ever be able to let my guard down as I am constantly waiting for the next time I piss her off but I remember going to bed feeling happy. She rang again during the week and I could tell she had been drinking but she was still really nice, repeating herself somewhat. I helped her sell her shed and her fridge freezer/ I haven't really spoken to my dad and although I miss him a lot and I miss the fact that I should have a good relationship with him, I don't think at the moment I want to talk to him. I think for now its best if I just talk to my mum for a bit and see how things pan out.
Well thats it for me now as I need to go to sleep/ I am so tired. I am actually forgetting things and just now I was going to go and look for my glasses and I am wearing them!