sinking or swimming - 2 months no alcohol 15 days of lock down

Its Tuesday today. I've been stressed. The calm feeling I had last week has gone and I don't know why. Last week I could take everything in my stride but this week my old self is back. Gone has living in the moment and my usual ,,,,, lets rush and get this done and on to the next project. I now recognise this as my fight or flight mode. This is the mode that makes my joints sore constantly, it makes me snappy and anxious and generally not able to relax. I am sad that it has come back because last week I was as settled as I think I have always been regardless of what else is going on. This week I am so tense its exhausting being me. However, I am not going to let it beat me. I just have to use my toolbox to cope. I read somewhere that alcohol dulls your emotions enabling you to deal with them better. It numbs your brains responses to any emotional trauma or any feelings really and I suppose I haven't got that barrier now so everything I am feeling doesn't help. Neither does being with the kids all the time and the bloody menopause. Thats got to be a factor as some of the symptoms have come back. Not gonna let it beat me. I have been listening to pod casts lately and they are really good. If i go out to walk the dogs its easy to just put my ear phones in and listen to any podcast. I am favouring those from the bubble hour lately. They are generally about women in recovery from addiction whether it be alcohol or drugs or whatever some of them are proper addicts but some of them are just normal women like me or any in the street I suppose. Anyway,they keep my mind occupied while dog walking.

Home schooling is going okay as long as you don't include maths in that equation. Actually it isn't even home schooling really, it is attempting to do something useful with the kids. We have done a lot of art work and we are reading. Doing some times tables and spellings and thats about it. Maths is traumatic so we aren't doing that any more as of today. However I have decided t tackle the DIY slowly. Just one thing a day is how I am proceeding on that front. Its not as daunting then and much more manageable. Yesterday I did the kitchen wall by the bins and today I did the wall by the window and the radiator in the dinging room. Went to B& Q today first thing with the kids but couldn't get anything as they are only doing a click and collect service and they are running behind by 48 hours. So had to work with what I had. Its going okay though.

Borris Johnson is ill. Been taken into intensive care due to the Corona virus. Really scary stuff. I am actually quite scared now. Not sure how long this is going to go on but will leave you with a video I put on facebook today.

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