Well I decided to try some mindfulness today. I seem spend a lot of my time looking to the future. If ever I am doing a task I am always looking ahead or thinking what I am going to be doing next.... I have lost count of the amounts of times its would be lunch time and I would be thinking about 6pm and I could have my first glass of wine. I don't miss that feeling I can tell you. But even when say I am walking the dogs I am constantly thinking of the jobs I am going to do when I get home. When I am home I am constantly thinking of the things I have got to do later on instead of just enjoying the moment. Just enjoying the present. I physically don't seem to be able to do it. I think this is how I started drinking so much wine as that feeling you get when you have your first glass. The relaxing of your muscles and the tension its that I miss. I have tried meditation and yes it has the same effect ... well it does when you practice at it, I actually got quite good at it when I found the right app to do it with, the thing is it makes me sleepy, like I can't be arsed to do a single thing once I have done it, but then again so did wine. I must try harder.
Anyway in an effort to enjoy the moment, Ailysha and I took the dogs for a walk. Ailysha was off nursery as she had had a tummy bug the day before. We have this really good route called Factory Lane where we take all of the dogs. She has her scooter and some parts of the walk I attach the dogs leads to the handlebars as the dogs are loose and I pull her up the hills. She talks non stop the whole way. Today the sun was shining. It was a gorgeous day, muddy in parts but after all this rain, it was heaven, I consciously made an effort to enjoy the walk. Enjoy spending time with my dogs and my daughter and you know what? it worked. Instead of marching along like I normally do, we just dawdled. We turned around when we were getting tired. We watched a farmer and his dog herding the sheep. We laughed at some pheasants that got scared to death by Jack and Willow sticking their noses into their bushes. The best bit? Was tying Willow and Jack to Ailysha's scooter and laughing as they pulled my little girl along, especially the bit where she turned around to look back at me and said "mum, they are getting the hang of this now !" I had a brilliant time.
Later in my new bid to get back into running, I asked Matthew to do 3 slow miles with me. I can tell you this, living in the moment was not a bloody pic nic then I can tell you. If I could have taken my mind and put it elsewhere I would have! I lived every moment of those 3 miles and it almost killed me! God his slow is nothing like his mother's. Thankfully he left me on the last mile so I could return to my normal snails pace.
We got in the hot tub afterwards which was absolute heaven. Becci got in with us and I am not sure how the conversation got around to drinking but Becci and I made a bet. I told her I was giving Wine up for a year and if I did it... she had to buy me a big bar of chocolate. However, if I failed I have to buy her something to do with Harry Potter. I could see her little mind gleefully working out what I had to buy her when I failed...... Ha we will see. I actually do think its getting easier, although I haven't really been tested yet... we have had one event really, the rugby so I know its early days .... and I am still on that one day at a time stage...........