Day 27 - a new nephew

Its been a good day today however I struggled tonight. Ended feeling a bit down for no good reason and really wanted a glass of wine.

This morning was spent at Iceland and pound land. Never actually realised how good pound land is. Managed to spend 60.00 in there on bits and pieces. I drove down and while on the A449 really really practiced living in the moment...... its really really hard. Just concentrated on chilling out and enjoying the drive down, consciously looking at the scenery around me. The whole time my mind kept wandering to what I was doing and where I was going etc I can see this is going to take some practice.

When I got to pound land I did actually enjoy wandering around with the two children I was looking after one being Ailysha, who spectacularly threw up in her bed last night so figured it was best to keep her home from nursery. Anxiety is a weird thing. I actually did manage to enjoy the whole shopping experience until about half hour before we got home and again anxiety kicked in I was panicking about being late, for what? I don't know but I needed to be home. Don't know why I feel like that I actually just cannot relax to enjoy what I am doing. Thinking back I don't even know why it started. I start my counselling though next week so fingers crossed although not sure I believe in all that stuff. Apparently though Fibromyalgia is a condition caused by the chemistry in our brains. So basically if I get stressed or anxious its my brain that is making my joints hurt. Go figure. Also apparently, alcohol numbs our brains, feelings and emotions. No wonder I was hooked. Come to think of it, My fibro is a lot worse since I have given up wine. I have a bad pain in my left elbow right down my forearm to my hand. As well as the usual aches in my arms and wrists. However that said I am starting to feel better within myself I think. Especially as the day goes on. The mornings are tough, my joints hurt but I think I must tense up in the night due to nightmares. (which is where the counselling comes in) Throughout the day I get better. I am spending more time with the kids. Sitting and colouring with Ailysha and generally just talking to them and spending time with them. Gone is that desperate need to get rid of them so I could have my "me time" and a nice glass of vino. Now I spend my time writing on here or just chilling out with a cup of tea. Me? Tea? Mad. Can't believe its day 27.

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