41 days and we are making history

Omg the world has gone mad. I alternate between feeling, nervous, anxious, grateful, happy, it like a roller coaster of emotions and so much uncertainty. I went to Tesco yesterday and barely got a trolley. The toilet roll, pasta and tin shelves were empty. On the plus side, Easter eggs were half price and the shelves were full. Got all of mine. People were actually stocking up on wine as well. Me it wasn't wine and I am so glad and so grateful. I am actually starting to see the benefits now slowly. I am still putting on weight but I am hoping that will figure itself out. I am running now every other day to try and combat it. The thing is I really look forward to my chocolate in the night and a cup of hot chocolate and these times we all need something to look forward to. The kids and I have spent the last two night in the hot tub. Neil has been working around the clock as his shop is so busy and Jane is off work due to an op. I wish to god he had trained someone else up but he never listened to me. God knows what would happen if he had to close. This corona virus is actually going to make history. I said to Michael yesterday that when he has kids they will be studying this in school and he will be able to say that he remembers this and he will remember all of his football being cancelled.

Can't get bloody loo roll for love nor money. Doesn't make sense to me I mean, this virus does not give people diarrohea does it? Bloody nightmare. I am panicking that I may have to close. Haven't closed my business in the 9 years I have been a childminder. Its actually nuts. However, the community spirit is amazing. People all offering to help eachother and setting up facebook groups to deliver to people the are self isolating and literally everything has been cancelled, Natasha's graduation, all Michael's football, le roc classes, darts, literally everything. Think Paignton will be cancelled as well.

I messaged my mother this morning, first time in about a year. Just to check she was okay and she actually messaged back to say thank you. See I can justify why my relationship with my mum is so bad as my mum is ill. Its my dad I can't get my head around. He is so nasty. I don't think I will ever forget that message he sent me. It plays on my mind all the time. Anyway, benefits from no alcohol, I am not as anxious any more. I don't have mood swings as bad. I get a bit crabby if I am tired, or the kids are challenging but I tell them I am crabby cause I am tired. I have more conversations with the kids and I am not desperate to get rid of them. I really enjoy my hot chocolate in the night. The cravings are still there, every now and then. They sneak up on you when you don't expect them. They did yesterday when the woman in the queue next to me was buying lots of wine just in case she was self isolating. I did buy myself some Robinson juices. Found them once my friend mentioned them. They are in a glass bottle and are flavors like lime and mint etc. Figured they may be nice with tonic water in a wine glass just to feel like a treat I suppose. Well they are in my cupboard if I need them.

These really are crazy times x

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