1 month and 4 days!

Well what can I say? It is definitely getting easier and even Neil commented on how easy I had been to live with lately and I really think its because that internal conflict and self hatred I had and the constant justification has eased and I feel so much better. Ok I am now addicted to chocolate and shopping. The shopping one I really need to get control of an have been trying especially due to my dwindling finances. Which incidentally is another thing worrying me however I am saving money on not buying wine right? Desperately trying to eat better as well as I know hunger is a trigger for me. I don't think I am out of the woods yet but I can definitely see a clearing and... there is wine in the house and I am just not the moment anyway.

The weekend was good. Went to visit new nephew. My brother looks so proud. My sister in law looks amazing fair play. And of course, Noah is gorgeous. We had a bit of a drama re Michael's football as he didn't get chosen for yet another game on the Saturday morning. Apparently it was our fault as we didn't answer regarding his attending quickly enough. Very annoying. I don't always get the notifications and by the time I did realise as Jess mentioned it when they left, it was too late. Didn't really do much else. Went out for dinner on the Sunday oh and I managed to run yesterday 6 whole miles. Yes it was slow but still. I am trying to read more and of course am still listening to quit lit on audible when I walk the dogs. Actually listening to "Girl walks out of a bar" I actually think I am much more content now. Calmer in my mind. Well except for the money situation. Think I might have overstretched myself a little with the loan for the hot tub and also trying to pay off my credit card which has the tent and loads of money transfers on it. Not to mention my new car. Definitely need to be more sensible now. My wages go in and straight back out and I am left struggling all month. However I am trying to put a bit aside each month as well for Christmas and I now have 3 money boxes in the kitchen for pound coins, notes, and change. All adds up see doesn't it. Have got my first counselling session tonight with Clare. Feel a bit nervous but figure it might stop my nightmares maybe.

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